Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize