All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize