Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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