she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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