She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Damn victory sex feels great
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
