I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
