I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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