Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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