I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Pappa wants mamma naked
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
