My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
