Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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