and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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