I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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