hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
