I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
