Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
