Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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