im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
