I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
