so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
