youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
