Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
