I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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