Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
