i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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