You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
