White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
