found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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