I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
