I'm jealous of your bromance
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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