i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
