who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
