If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
