I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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