Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
this is an emotional support booty call
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
