This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
