in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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