I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
