Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
