are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it glows. i had to have it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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