What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
