Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
