Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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