and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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