I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
