I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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