someone threw a dead crab at me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
