Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
