can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
