woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
