when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
