JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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