Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
