i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
