Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
