Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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