I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She bit a glass in half.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
