just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
