Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
