I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
