he puts the penis in happiness.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize