If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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