I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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