his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we made out on top of his cat.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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