I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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