if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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