Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
