Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
