i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
