what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
